“The patterns will keep re-appearing until the lesson is learnt…”

Have you ever had challenging moments in your life where you seem to fail at everything you do, you take one step forward and a hundred steps backwards?

Are there patterns in your life of unwanted situations that keep repeating, re-appearing again and again? Or seem to be finding yourself in that sticky situation for the hundredth time!

Another failed relationship, another miserable job, another bad boss,another bad financial decision. Another illness,another fall out with a family member,another fall out with a friend etc?

You are not cursed, you are not unlucky and by no means a fault of your own!

What most of us do when we are faced with life challenges is go to family and friends for advice on what they think we should do to handle these situations.

Usually over coffee or drinks and then we point the finger at everyone else involved in the situation but ourselves.

What’s even worse is our family and friends would play a part in this blame game.

They do this to protect us, to make us feel better at the time…

Then we feel a bit better and try to make the changes required to better the situation.

We find the courage to leave the bad relationship, get a new job and change the unwanted situation.

But what we then realize a few months down the line is we find ourselves back in square one, back in that same sticky situation again.

We then do it all over again; Go to our family and friends for advice , blame others yet again and try to change the situation.

But this time we tell ourselves a different story.

What we fail to admit to ourselves is that we are the creators of our lives. As bad as it may be to admit that we have contributed to these patterns in our lives.

The trouble is when we go to our family and friends for advice they rarely tell us to take responsibility or look within ourselves.

Because they want to sympathize or help. We focus on fixing things because we just want it to just go away and move on

I am no guru by any means but here is what I would say,when you see patterns happening in your life, PAUSE! As this is not the time to take quick action!

Ask yourself how you have contributed to the situation without blaming either yourself or the other parties involved. Don’t be quick to act instead take some time to pause and reflect.



1.Hold Yourself Accountable

When things go pear shaped do you hold yourself accountable? Or do you blame everyone else in the picture? Stay away from the blame game. Understand that you too had a big part to play in creating the situation, BUT at the same time don’t beat yourself up for what/why it hasn’t worked out. Acknowledge what happened and still smile and be OK with it.This involves self compassion and forgiveness not only towards yourself but others involved in the situation.

2.It’s all About the Law of Attraction!

What happens to you is not reflection of who you are, but a reflection of how you are feeling and the thoughts running the show at the background. The universe does not only hear what you say, it also hears what you mean. Our FEARS have a lot to do with what happens to us.

What you think about, you bring about including those unwanted fears.Next time you are in a negative spiral review your thoughts patterns and examine your belief system.

3.Learn To Rely To Your Intuition

Our intuition is the inner knowing that lies within us, it’s our inner compass.

Since we have been conditioned to rely on others for advice and look outside of ourselves for answers we have lost the power of our intuition. We can get this power back by practicing meditation, sitting in silence or journaling.

When we learn to tune in, to listen close in, there’s an inner knowing… listen to that.

4.Trust That Every Situation Is An Experience to Gain From

Trust that the situation is there to create a necessary environment for you to transform,expand and become a better version of you.This step is easier when you have taken responsibility.

Depending on the adversity emotions range from anger, shame, rejection, guilty, blame, humiliation, anxiety, disappointment, hurt, embarrassment, defeat, inadequacy, insecurity, rage etc

But it’s only when we allow ourselves to really feel; feel the pain, the hurt, the disappointment, the humiliation, the rejection then we allow this transformation to occur.

5.Get Your Emotions Out of The Situation

It’s easier to victimize ourselves and feel sorry for ourselves especially when the negative patterns keep happening to us.

Not again,you’d hear yourself say, or this always happens to me!

Remember you are not a victim.Look within and ask how you might have contributed to the situation.

The patterns will keep re-appearing until the lesson is learnt, so you might as well ask yourself the difficult questions now.

6.Do it All With Gratitude

Adversity is there to show us clarity, clarity on what we really want. It helps us see what we don’t want and focus on what we want. There’s is gratitude in that.Once you appreciate and stop fearing adversity you will make the journey easier for yourself.You will create a sense of flow towards the things you do want.

Running away, blaming others and quick fixes won’t do instead look within,take responsibility and ask the question how could I have attracted the situation.

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All the Best,
SFM Elite & Platinum Member of the SFM/DEA